Graduation

This is Adrian Tan's speech at the convocation of students (class of 2008) at the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information (NTU).

Adrian Tan is a litigation partner at Drew & Napier LLC.

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LIFE AND HOW TO SURVIVE IT


I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address.

It's a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation.

I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.
My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one.
She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living.
She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator.
Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are.
I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home.
That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men:
when you've already won her heart, you don't need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life.
Some of you may already be married.
Some of you may never be married.
Some of you will be married.
Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You're done learning.

You've probably been told the big lie that 'Learning is a lifelong process'
and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters' degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on.
You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers.
Don't you think there is some measure of conflict of interest?
They are in the business of learning, after all.
Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they're wrong.

The bad news is that you don't need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone.
That may come as a shock to some of you. You're in your teens or early twenties.
People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people.
But I'm here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy.
We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long.
We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless.
There's very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup.
Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years.
Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you'll have another 40 years to go.
Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they're 50, 40, 30 years old.
Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation.
They would be very disappointed that they didn't meet their life expectancy.

I'm here to tell you this.
Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it's calculated based on an average.
And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family.

You are told that, as graduates,

you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.
That is what is expected of you.
And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people.
I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them.

And you don't need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life's a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it.
Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it.
Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment.
Your degree is a poor armour against fate. * Exactly.

Don't expect anything. Erase all life expectancies.
Just live. Your life is over as of today.
At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look.
This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you?
It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free.
Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do.
By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills.
The Japanese have a term "Karoshi", which means death from overwork.
That's the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways.
If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there's nothing left.
A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

*** There's a common misconception that work is necessary.
You will meet people working at miserable jobs.
They tell you they are "making a living" No, they're not.
They're dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful. ***

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free.
The slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps.
Utter nonsense.

** Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort.
You may never reach that end anyway.

*** Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play.
Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again.
You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often.
Soon, that will have value in itself. *** I am enjoying my job.. not 100% of the time, but most of the time.. as compared to office work.. I think I would be much happier continuing this job.....

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator.
I enjoy it and I would do it for free.
If I didn't do that, I would've been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction - probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do?
You will find your own niche. I don't imagine you will need to look very hard.
By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do.
In fact, I'll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions.
By this time you should know what your obsessions are.
If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession.

Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm.
If you don't, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication.
To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth.
I'm not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things.
The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth.
Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating.
There is also great skill.
Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences.
It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it.
That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror. *

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth.
I now say this to you: be hated.

It's not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you?
Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many.
That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated.
In fact, it's often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one;s own convictions.
It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions.
Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average.
That cannot be your role.
There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself.
Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn't say "be loved"
That requires too much compromise.
If one changes one's looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being.
It may seem odd for me to tell you this.
You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false.

Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings.
It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise.
Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance.
It is hard work - the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits.
There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness.
In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way.
We learn the true worthlessness of material things.
We celebrate being human.
Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person.
Despite popular culture, love doesn't happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor.
It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming.
It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated.
You are not doing it to be loved back.
Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone.
You either don't, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology.
It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don't work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

You're going to have a busy life.
Thank goodness there's no life expectancy.

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Fair

This song i want to share with you Fair by Remy Zero.


Remy Fair - Zero - The funniest bloopers are right here


Hey, are you lonely?
Has summer gone so slowly?
We found the ground
And that damage was done
It's cold as you fade into the sun
Where'd you go? To me.

But you're alive!
Well, it's only
Fallen frames, they told me
You stand out, it's so loud
And so what if it is?
It's cold as you face into the wind
Where to go?
(Tonight a sun shall see its light)

So what if you catch me,
Where would we land?
In somebody's life
For taking his hands
Sing to me hope as she's
Thrown on the sand
All of our work
Is rated again
Where to go?

And you were somehow
The rain this thing could allow
I tried
But it's all wrong

You're so strong
And this life and work
And choice took far too long
Where to go?
(Tonight a sun shall see its light)

So what if you catch me,
Where would we land?
In somebody's life
For taking his hands
Sing to me hope as she's
Thrown on the sand
All of our work(worth)
Is rated again

And I was sure you'd follow through
The world was turned to blue(so fair)
When you'd hide your songs would die
So I'd hide yours with mine
All my words were bound to fail
But I know you won't fail

See, I can tell...

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i heard it while watching the movie Fanboys and its also on the movie Garden State. Side track into some trivia about the band..

the band Remy Zero also did the very popular Smallville theme song Save Me. Unfortunately they have also disbanded since. The song Fair can be found in their 2nd album called Villa Elaine.

Love the song, its so haunting.


-would you even catch me now?-

Zilch

suffering from Post Architecture-project-submission-vacuum Syndrome

**makes sucking sound**

Pre-Submission Mayhem

angry, red and painful pimples start popping out on the face
puffy, swollen eyelids
bloodshot eyes
pale complexion
disheveled hair
bloated stomache
aching arms, neck and back
constant feeling of fatigue

some of the listed symptoms above may sound like what women have to go through once a month when good ol' aunt pays a visit but don't get me wrong, what i'm referring to above is not to lament about the major inconveniences women have to go through but rather the sad plight of year 3 architecture students in NUS who are about to face their first big hurdle in becoming an architect, RIBA Part 1.

the idea of a SoHo is captured in the architecture studio where students work and live here as submission draw near. amid the cutting mats, broken off pen knife blades, new materials, waste materials, butter paper, cartridge paper, sketch pens and pencils, UHU glue, white glue, laptops, chargers, books borrowed from the libraries, mineral water bottles, empty drink cans, cup noodles, chocolates, models, drying towels, safari beds and movable boards, we architecture students work and sleep (wait, what sleep?) endlessly throughout the nights before submission to finish the deliverables. it sounds and looks like a junkyard or just and accident waiting to happen, but we get along. accidents to happen sometimes when people slice part of their fingers off or worse the 'blue screen of death' from the computers and the scream and scramble after to ensure files were backed up.

nothing compares to this. maybe some journalist should shadow an architecture student and keep a journal tracing what they go through.

its so so twisted, its sometimes funny.

i just have to make it through till the 17th..

I WILL GET THERE IN ONE PIECE!!!

On a lighter note

i havent much to show for design later this afternoon but i found time to search for some entertainment online and found these..

i hope you enjoy them as much as i did, no matter how small the entertainment value, its still waayyyy better than doing design now :/



this last one is my personal favourite because it happens all the time :/



laugh..

In an unconcious state

" she dreamt of him today.. "

" was it good? or a nightmare? "

" oh, it was a good dream. he came back, and said he loved her. everything like before.. "

" is she okay now? "

" she woke up and reality sets in, you know how it is. she's still hurting inside, i can see it in her eyes.. "

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fridays and weekends are like a dream to me, they hold so much promise during the weekdays that when i think of them, i feel happy, almost seeing my soul leave my body and i envision myself doing what i would be doing this weekend. an out of the body experience. perhaps they are now an escape for me. an escape where i wont have to face work, faces that i dont want to see, and the stress i leave behind in school. dreams, i realise, are an escape. its this small part in your brain that keeps and locks up the sweetest memories but also the worst fears. then when u close your eyes at night, the gears in this tiny part starts working, setting off a serious of frames. sometimes jumbled, sometimes making full sense. sometimes waking up up perspiring all over in fear, sometimes smiling with sweet thoughts and the worst, sometimes waking up cheeks wet with tears.

i used to have frequent dreams when i was a little girl (yes i was little once) and they were always the same ones. one always starts with me somehow sitting on the parapet wall outside my grandparent's house on the 13th floor and a strong gust of wind comes and blows me over and i start to fall in slow motion down to the ground below. i always picture the motion of falling very slowly and it feels almost relaxing but before i really relax, i hit the ground and that's when i always wake up, with my legs slamming the bed as if in mimicry of my body slamming into the ground. i would break out in cold sweat after because as a child that really scared me. another vivid occurring dreams i remember was this one where i find myself in this extremely expansive huge white space, so huge i cannot see the end of it. but as i start to explore, i see the walls and ceiling start to enclose towards me. they start to increase in speed and i quickly find myself breathing heavily, in a space that continues to move in closer. the air becomes stuffy and i just before i wake up, in the dream, i always find myself unable to breathe, in foetal position, the walls are still packing in, just slowly now, i feel like i am in a box, claustrophobia sets in and with my last ounce of strength i scream and try to push the walls away. It is at this moment where i wake up and find myself cramped into a small corner of my bed, in foetal position like my dream, breathing heavily as though i had just ran a marathon, heart beating quickly beneath my chest.

these dreams haunted me almost every night but i never complained or told anyone about it. soon, as i grew older, they slowly started to disappear and i rarely get them now. but when i do, i feel the same way like the little girl i was about 15 years ago. they never made any sense to me and i dont think they ever will.

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" dry her tears. i hope she will be okay tonight and every other night. "

Through the hard times

Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence

You know how songs and music seem to touch you in transcending ways? well this song, in a weird way calms me very much. when i'm frustrated or flustered, it manages to calm my nerves. must be the way its composed (:

i love it very much (: